Do We Have to Agree?

I am wondering what to do if the person you are dating is similar in faith, but with some different specifics.
Answer by Carla Barnhill

Q. I am wondering what to do if the person you are dating is similar in faith, but with some different specifics. He believes we receive the Holy Spirit when we are baptized, and I believe we get God's Spirit when we ask Christ into our hearts. There are a few other things we disagree on. Do potential partners have to think exactly the same thing? 

A. There's a great verse in Proverbs that says: "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend" (Proverbs 27:17, NLT). One way we sharpen each other is through disagreements. Our disagreements can be an important part of our growth as people.

One of the parts of Christianity that doesn't get talked about much is its long, long history of conflict. Christians—really strong, faithful Christians—have disagreed about all kinds of things—baptism, food, clothing, where to meet, who's in charge. That's why some of us go to Baptist churches and some of us go to Methodist churches and some of us go to Evangelical Free churches and some of us go to non-denominational Bible churches.

In fact, during the early days of the church, there were disagreements about what a person had to do to be a follower of Jesus. Some Jewish believers thought it was essential that anyone who wanted to follow Jesus also had to follow the traditions and laws of Judaism; other believers didn't think this was important. Early church leaders even had a big meeting about it to decide what the church's official position should be. (You can read about it in Acts 15:1-29.)

What I'm getting at is that it's OK for you to have different ideas about baptism or communion or other parts of the Christian life. What matters is that you agree on the most central part of Christianity—that Jesus is the Son of God who died for our sins. From there, only you can decide what other parts of the faith are deal breakers for you. And if there are deal breakers, you'd be wise to just be friends and not boyfriend-girlfriend. Think about this: If you end up getting married one day, you'll need to decide where you go to church. If you have children, you'll need to figure out when and how you want them to be baptized. Will your disagreements create bigger issues during these future decisions?

For now, deepen your faith by talking about what you believe and why. Be willing to listen and learn from each other. That's how you will sharpen each other.

Carla Barnhill is an editor of the Teen Devotional Bible (Zondervan).

Copyright © 2008 by the author or Christianity Today International/Ignite Your Faith magazine.
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